Nocturne

Well it's Sunday morning, and I'm not even sure I should be blogging right now but oh well. Not only that but I don't think the title is really appropriate either but it's closer to how I feel than anything.

Friday night didn't turn out too bad. The ward campout was fun but I still got the feeling that half the time I didn't belong. I was just glad that I took my dog with me so I had someone to cuddle with.

Why does it have to be so hard?

And it doesn't really help that while I'm trying to do this I'm only half committed it seems. I can't seem to stop thinking if I could get into a serious relationship with a guy that I'd be happy. But now I can't even fully commit to that idea either. It's almost funny because when I go to sacrament everyone's always mentioning their testimony. And as short a time as it's been since my baptism I feel that I couldn't just leave the church. It seems I'm just supposed to learn to live in a constant state of dissatisfaction. Ever felt that way? That just no matter what, you're supposed to be unhappy. I do, alot lately. Well I should get ready for church. I haven't been in a couple weeks so as much as I want to stay home I shouldn't.