And What Now.......

And what now......

I missed the conference this weekend. I really wanted to go too. I think. I know people who went although I don't know anyone else there. My friend said it was good. I guess I have to take his word for it.

It's kinda gloomy out. It's drizzling and cold. I did put up halloween decorations today. Now they're just making me depressed though.

I want a relationship. But...
I still don't know that I could make myself try one with a girl.
I had problems with guys when I was attracted to them. How would I make it work with a girl?

Why is everything I feel in such conflict with the church?
Oh well I'm done I guess.

A destructive dog

I'm finally back online. Not that I'll post much more frequently. I just don't feel the ambition to do it lately.

I haven't in much of anything really.

I stopped meeting with our missionaries here quite awhile ago. At first I was telling myself that I had to much to work on with myself to be worrying about whether or not i was fellowshipping anyone else. But really I can't stand them. Is that really as bad as it sounds? And really it's only one of them. I feel that he's to over zealous and long winded to boot. He can't ever do a fifteen minute member lesson. They always run sooo long. I wish he'd transfer already. I miss the others. I don't know if they were better, but i thought of them as friends.

Anyways where this is supposed to be heading I think is that I'm that destructive dog. There seems to be a part of me that wants to try. But my other side is like a puppy getting into trouble when the masters not around. I constantly fight myself for control cause I just don't listen. I don't see how I can progress, not only in the church but in life, if I can't control a willful puppy. A lost hungry puppy. The ones that look at you with sad eyes, cause someone broke something in them a long time ago.

Now was that melodramatic or what? Eh, I'll post it anyways. if anyone asks, I was just being stupid and got carried away.